When the team doesn't agree.....

The last few days have been challenging. My sweet mom is worried about me. It's to be expected, I'll always be her baby regardless of age. She's not quite on board with my chosen path. I'm not surprised, she's a nurse. My mom has seen many things as a nurse, death being one of them. She really wants me to do whatever I can to stay alive. Actually we want the same thing, we just have different ideas on how to get there. It's not easy to see my mom hurting, worried and scared. It's even harder to know that I have something to do with what she's feeling. Jesus. Jesus is the only balm that will give her comfort. He's the only one bringing me comfort. I know that physically I have cancer but this is about so much more than the cancer itself. This is my walk on water experience. I've stepped out of the boat, and now I must keep my eyes on Him. I know if I look to the right or left I will sink. I've locked eyes with my maker and he's calling me to deeper waters. With one foot in front of the other I'm making my way right to the place he has called me. It's not easy, it's unconventional, it's radical and many won't understand. Heck, I'm still trying to understand! The only comfort I can offer is that my hope is  in Christ. I trust Him with my life. I'm not anti-medicine, I live in a community of doctors. I am anti poison, which in my opinion that's what chemo is. I am willing to reasses as necassary. I'm not say I'll never do chemo. I am saying I don't have peace about it at this time. I will listen to any compelling argument, data, statistics and stories with an open mind and heart. However, we may have to agree to disagree. If you think that will hurt our friendship, I would rather be your friend!

Today I'm thankful that each day I have more clarity and resolve than the day before. I'm thankful for my relationship with my children. I'm thankful that my children know Christ and their faith is rooted in Him.