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Hello, My name is Ester. I absolutley adore Jesus! He is the center of my life. I am nothing without him. He has allowed a dream of mine to come true. I've always wanted a little boutique. I've been praying for the right time, the time is now! I am the mother of 3. I love my children, they keep life so exciting. I homeschool and I have one in traditional school. I love to craft, it could be a full time job. I love it that much. I like sewing, baking, bow- making, and all things family! I am married to my highschool sweetheart, you can read about that on my other blog. www.loveinmyhouse.blogspot.com.

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Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The rubber meets the road

Why do I feel like I'm in an unsaid power struggle with cancer? It's like each day we're one up-ing each other. Today cancer got a point. 
I met the new radiology oncologist today. He was such a nice man. He's a Christian, which is a plus!! He gently explained my treatment options and what he thought was best. It was hard, very hard. Part of what made it so hard is I know he feels like my life is in his hands. ( of course The Lord's hands) but I could feel his pain as he spoke with me. He said "I'm so sorry" 4 times. I really felt he was sorry I had to go through this. My heart ached for this doctor who cares for his patients well. He knows death, he knows defeat, he knows heartache, he knows how much cancer takes. I wanted to pray for him. I'm going to do that tonight.
Right now I hate that this is not just happening to me, but my community. I feel like I'm making my community weary. I wish I could be like the majority and agree to treatment. I wish the attention wasn't on me. I wish this would go away or I could run away. I wish I didn't have to give up so much. I wish, I wish, I wish.....I'm sure God wishes he didn't have to sacrifice his son for wretched undeserving people. I will do whatever God wants me to do, I will sacrifice whatever God requires. I will trust Him (even in the dark place). I will allow healing in my brokenness ( especially my heart). I will, I will..... The Lord will return for his bride.
I'm thankful for hard days that draw me near to God. I'm thankful for a Christian doctor. I'm thankful that tears are healing.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for all y'all. Lots of love to you.