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Hello, My name is Ester. I absolutley adore Jesus! He is the center of my life. I am nothing without him. He has allowed a dream of mine to come true. I've always wanted a little boutique. I've been praying for the right time, the time is now! I am the mother of 3. I love my children, they keep life so exciting. I homeschool and I have one in traditional school. I love to craft, it could be a full time job. I love it that much. I like sewing, baking, bow- making, and all things family! I am married to my highschool sweetheart, you can read about that on my other blog. www.loveinmyhouse.blogspot.com.

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Monday, January 4, 2016

So long 2015!!!

I have started this post more times than I can count.  The truth is I really want to let you all know how much I struggled in 2015.  I don't like complaining and I rarely do it.  However, I want to keep it REAL!  I want to tell you that for the first time EVER in my life I questioned my faith.  The chemo wore me out! I could not believe that my God would allow me to endure hell on earth.  I was sick every single day.  I regret the day I chose to do conventional treatment.  I am sad that I've lost the ability to have children.  I hated radiation. I would cry on the table as I imagined what the treatment was doing to my insides.  I really wished I could have been like other people that imagined that radiation healing their bodies, not burning it up!  I never got there.  It was mental torture!!! I missed having my mother in law around ( she died right as I was being diagnosed).  This list could go  on!!! I've never experienced anything quite like this year.  I felt like I was in a war zone (literally).  I had to remind myself daily that I was promised a victorious ending in Christ. I had to remind myself that God was indeed for me and NOT against me.  I even reminded myself that if he chose to call me home, I would be with Him forever.  I had to apply EVERYTHING I knew about God to my life crisis!! EVERYTHING!!! I had so many question, objections and arguments for the Father.  I told Him a million other ways he could have gotten my attention, why cancer?

Now that I have gotten that off my chest............

The Lord never left me.  I was mean (really feisty)  and broken before HIM.  I didn't want to need EVERYTHING I had learned of Him. I did NOT read my Bible during chemo, not once.  I was too upset.  However, I saw his hand at work every day during that time. My children were well cared for by my community of friends and family.  I never drove to an appointment.  Every bill was and has been paid on time.  The yard was maintained, the house was kept, the fridge was full.  I can not list every blessing.  I am also very thankful for praying friends, they prayed for me when I couldn't wouldn't pray for myself.

I am not done with this journey but I know He is with me and He will get all the glory........

6 comments:

  1. praying for your healing and full recovery, asking God to send a blessing into your life, that you may know Him and all the grace that He has towards you. Shalom

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