My sweet (and sassy) Lily!!

Let me tell you, the tears won't stop flowing.  I am in shock!! One of my dear students went to be with the Lord on yesterday.  I am speechless.........  My oldest daughter who helps out at the PDO was her special friend.  Jayla assisted her with all of the activities for the day.  Lily was so very special to us.  Word can't express how much grief I feel for her family, it wasn't suppose to be this way!! I was looking forward to seeing soon, back in action  (super sassy)!!! This makes the 4th death in a short period of time.  I know our stories have been written so I will trust in the Lord, even when I don't understand.  I keep playing this song over and over again!!!  I will trust in YOU!!! I will trust in YOU!!

 

 

My Jayla loved to play with her. We looked forward to her coming to school,  I only work on Wednesday and Friday and those are the days she came to play. Jayla and Lily in the gym. Who would of thought this would the last time we saw her.

 

My Jayla, Lily and Me ( on her last day at school) !!

 

Jayla helping Lily get back to class!!!

 

Dear God help our hearts, they ache........

I tried not to comment!!

I usually don't ever participate in any discussion that is remotely controversial.  However, my facebook page is covered with red equal signs and red cross signs.  I have read very ugly, ugly words today.  Some have shocked me down to my core!!! I have spiritual convictions toward a lot of things.  I try my best to live a life according to God's word.  I fail!!
I have really thought about the way I feel on the matter.  This is far from scholarly.  However, I feel that we have to maintain our convictions but not loose our love.  We have to LOVE people to Christ!! When we act as the world, the world can't tell us apart.  I love people, I hate sin.  I have friends that have chosen a different path from me, but I pray for them daily.  I long for them to know the goodness of the Lord. My heart aches for them!! However this does not make want to keep them from my house or not have them over.  What if I am the only Jesus they see.  What did I say? How did I act? Did I hold true to my convictions but extend love? It not up to me to do the changing, I just want offer Christ. ..........

Did mention how mean unplesant I was to the "Mr." yesterday when he mention the B word (budget)?? Ok, so like said I am a work in progress!!! I was so convicted that I couldn't wait until he woke up this morning so I could apologize.  I was WRONG!! He was so gentle with me, he hugged me and said, " it's ok"!!! I was happy with that ending. BUT THEN......... He texted me later in the day and apologized for being so uptight!!! I thought it was sweet, I just wanted to hug him through the phone.  I am telling anyone that is praying for their marriage that I still believe in miracles, this is a miracle!!!

Trouble in Paradise!

Today starts Passover!!! I am so thankful for Jesus!! I couldn't get through our story tonight without crying.  God is so good to me.  I thought what if I had to sacrafice my dear children for the sin of someone else.  I know that I wouldn't be able to do it.  The thought just makes me want watch them sleep tonight.  I truly feel so blessed to be a part of God's family.  I truly get that I didn't deserve it, at all.  However, he has allowed me to be in fellowship with him. Jesus has called my friend.  There are days when I know that I am not being a "good" friend, but he is still there waiting on me.  I don't say it lightly, I SERIOULY don't know how people make it without God. 

 

I know I'm blogging a LOT about this budget thing, it's a HOT topic right now.  We have two birthdays coming up ( the youngest and the oldest) let's just say we are not seeing eye to eye on this birthday situation.  I am "that" mom when it comes to birthday parties.  But to my defense we don't get the kids much for Christmas.  It has been our tradition to focus on giving at Christmas.  We usually treat their birthdays like most people treat Christmas. 

OMGoodness, I am over all the fundraisers at my son's school.  I mean seriously every week there is something new that we need to raise money for.  We are at an amazing school, but it is coming at a price!! My dear son has come home everyday all pumped for Highway USA!!! I have told him "NO" everyday.  He has cried, begged, and pleaded!!! My answer is still the same.  I really hate this for him but we JUST gave to the school like every month since August!  This well has run dry!!!! ( Plus we just got done selling Girl Scout cookies)

I also keep wondering why church women do not talk about life?  I mean am not talking about airing all your dirty laundry but just sharing day to day struggles and getting strength from each other.  I am so confused by this.  I'm pretty much an open book.  I struggle but I have strengths.  I am so encouraged after I talk with other moms, wives and women when we share our hearts ( not gossip).  I get so much from praying for others but I also get a lot from just talking about what's on my heart.  I can't tell you how much I've learned from other women who were willing to share their story with me!!

This could not possibly be spring!  Spring, where ever you went could you please come back???

Making some progress

Whew, I finally have time to sit and write. Let me first say I think the "Mr." has gone mad!! He watched 10 episodes of extreme couponing!! He is sooo hyped up.  He wants to be an extreme couponer, good luck with that!!! I really think he wants me to be just as excited about it but ummm, no!! He gave me a grocery budget, I am not Jesus ( I can't turn water in to wine)!!! I have to keep telling myself that this is for my good, this is for my good, THIS IS FOR MY GOOD.  We celebrated Palm Sunday at church today and the message was about praise.  Pastor Linberg encouraged us to be people of praise.  He also taught how important it is to let our children see us praise the Lord out loud.  I really want my children to know that everything we have is because of God.  I want them to know that I don't take credit for any of it.  It was from HIM!! I pray that I am setting that example of praise and thanksgiving.
I have some unspoken prayer request.  We as a family have several BIG decisions to make.  I know nothing is too hard for God and that he will give clarity in all of these things. I am so excited about this week. Each of us have asked God to put at least one person in our path that we can share the gospel with and invite them to church this Sunday.  I am looking forward to seeing God move in a BIG way.  I also have some things planned for my family as I re-tell the story of Christ dieing for us.  When I was a teacher I would do resurrection eggs with my students. Each egg had something that represented the death of Jesus.  I will be doing that at home this week with my own children. We are also going to have a few special treats.  This Thursday we will be participating in a Seder.  I have done this for 3 years now and it always blesses my family to add the Jewish aspect of this time of year.  I am expecting great things this week, I hope you are too.

All or nothing kinda girl

Can I say I have TOTALLY been freaking out about being a "good wife"!! I have really embarked on this journey and I'm blogging about it.  I have days that are good and days that aren't so good.  But as I pray and seek God I can see his goodness.  I am seeing the fruits of my labor (in prayer).  Oddly enough seeing God work so quickly and efficiently is a bit scary at times.  I'm like WOW that was FAST.  God is really doing this, I am shouldn't be surprised (and I'm not) I think amazement is a better word to describe this journey.  What I realize after talking to "my ladies" is that I can not do this in my own strength, this has everything to with me relying on God to get it all done.  I am not a "good wife", mother, friend, prayer partner, student, teacher and etc outside of God.  I am only as good as my relationship with him.  Finding my JOY in the Lord is what gives me strength to do all the things required of me.  I was talking with my sister today and I was sharing with her my fears and perhaps hesitations.  She suggested having a talk with the "Mr." about the non-negotiables.  The things that he would absolutely want me to focus on concerning our family.  I think the idea behind this is often we as women get all caught-up in things the we "think" matter but really don't in the bigger picture.  I wanted to share that with you all just in case you needed it. This is so true for so many ladies.  We can totally lose sight of what's important, like playing with our kids.  Side note- if you're more like me than like my sister I want to speak to you.  I am all or nothing kinda gal!! Things like that don't work for me because I use it to my advantage, like a get out of jail free card.  SOOOO, my advice to you mostly me Pray, pray, pray and pray that the Lord gives you convictions for his priority in your life.  Let His spirit guide you on what it takes to be the best at whatever he has called you to.  I need to master certain things pertaining to keeping a home so I know he has me focusing a lot on managing my home.  However, this too can get me off balance that I forget the other things. So in addition to mastering this area I must still seek him for balance in other areas!! Thank God for grace.
The crew and I enjoying a bike ride on the greenway with the "Mr."  it was such an awesome day for a ride.  Now, if only we had bikes (the Mr. and I) !

A song is stirring.

 

Do you ever have those days when a song is on your heart? I mean everything you think and do leads your back to the song?? This song can make you laugh, cry and bow? When this happens the song can stop you in your tracks and make you raise your hands in worship?!! The song just reminds you how big your God is.  Well today, I had a song that did all of the above.  Tears are in my eyes thinking about the song, but really it's more about God than the song.When I speak your name by Kari Jobe has been playing in my head all day.

  I seriously had it on repeat for 3 hours today.  My children may have thought I lost my mind, but when I speak His name so many things happen!!! Things are happening that I can't quite conceive but God knew since the beginning of time.  It's crazy (in a good way) how small we are compared to God, but we are so mighty.  We are really nothing, but he calls us friend.  We  fail him often, but we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  He adores us and he created us for his purpose.  I am adore by GOD.  How awesome is that??

I finished my sister's cross for her door today!! I really like her warm colors.  I am so excited that I could bless her house with one (her words, not mine).  I am humble that someone (especially my sister) would want to hang something that I made on their door.  I am not a pro, I just like to craft.

This is her cross on her door (thank you so much for making me cry) 



 This is it on my dining room table (praying that one day it will be my craft room table) but until then my dining room will do just fine!

Finally!!

I have been a little overwhelmed with "LIFE" over the last few weeks.  Everyone knows I like to change out my decor for the season.  I am sad to say I just took down my Valentine's wreath today, Yes today!!! However, I am in LOVE with what's on the door now.  After it was done I figured my sister needed one too!!!  Here is my burlap door cross: The picture is not that great but I really like the way it looks.

I let the "Mr." pick the colors!  They look "springy", right?

 

I want the world to know that I really wish someone close to me would have a baby that they didn't mind sharing.  I am not having the baby itch for myself but I really would like to hold and love on a little baby.  I would make a really great "Auntie" if someone would  just have a baby!! I don't have anyone in mind but if you're thinking about it let me know.  The "Mr." is done having babies (unless God gives him a change of heart, so y'all pray, pray and pray)  Until then PLEASE someone have us a baby to share!!